What is your Zahir?

I finally bought some new books. There is a city-wide book sale going on. Almost every book store is having sale. Something I noticed about Stockholm, or maybe this is a nation-wide phenomenon. I have no clue. My point is when you see one carpet store on sale, usually the one 2 blocks away is also on sale, and the one 10 blocks away too. When this shoe boutique is on sale, usually another one in the same shopping mall is also on sale, and the one in another shopping mall too. They seemed to have this thing about “let’s do it together, otherwise let’s not do it at all.” So united.

Anyway, this is not the topic of this post. I want to talk about Zahir. The Zahir, written by Paulo Coelho, tells of a renowned author in search for his missing wife, who was a war correspondent. One day, she just went missing, leaving no trace at all, at least not to her husband. And the husband, although moved on with his life after some time, continued to be mystified by her disappearance, and at the same time, so occupied with her absence. And hence the Zahir.

Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness.

So, what is your Zahir? Maybe you do not have one now. But think harder, at some point in your lifetime, you must have a Zahir. Can’t think of any? Let me give you some examples:

Your weight?
Your pay check?
Your bank account balance?
Your work performance?
Your kids’ report cards?
Your cholesterol levels?
Your first love?

My Zahir now is my state of unemployment. It wakes up every morning when I wake up. And it continued to stay awake even when I am sleeping. Almost 3 months into my stay in this Capital of Scandinavia and I have not found a job, and I am going home soon. This means I will continue to stay unemployed until (or maybe even) after my wedding in May, since I will be returning to this Swedish speaking world again.

I can’t help but feel that my 16 years of education are totally worthless. Maybe I have not worked hard enough to land myself in a job? Or maybe I have not studied long enough? Well, to be fair to myself, I did my due diligence! I sent in resumes in nice sophisticated format, introductory letters that were humble and truthful, and dutifully fill out long and tideous online application forms. What else? What else can I do?

If my Zahir has life, what will it say to me?